I'm A Damn Bed Sheet.

May I be blunt?

I think I'm a pretty alright person.  I'm pretty good looking, I'm not horribly disfigured or anything, I'm averagely smart, I play a bunch of instruments, I'm sort of funny.  I think I'm okay.. Average, if nothing else.

I tend to be of the belief that you will make ten times as many friends being interested in other people as you will trying to make other people interested in you.  Makes sense, yes?  Everyone likes to talk about themselves, so if you ask people questions, they'll answer them until there are no questions left to ask, and there are always questions left to ask.  Living my life this way has done pretty well for me.  Generally speaking, people like me.  They're nice to me, I get invited to stuff sometimes, it's pretty okay.  But no one gives a shit.

No one ever listens to me when I need it, no one pays attention to me, no one ever asks me questions.

No one bothers to get past the surface stuff because once you know my name, I just become someone that will listen to you.

I'm a total doormat.  People walk all over me, all the time, and I'm too damn nice to do anything about it even though they're breaking my heart.

Tonight at the dinner table my mom asked me something to the effect of what it was really like growing up with my brother.  My brother has enough personality for 12 people and enough dirty laundry for 30.  I told her that it was like growing up with a fog horn for a sibling.  You can't help but pay attention to him, because he was so loud, and had so much going for him, and was so smart and talented and great, so I sort of just hung out behind him and did my thing, and became a well rounded, well adjusted, listener.

These days his and my relationship are a little different.  Apparently he's forgotten that his dirty laundry is a thing, because he seems to think that my dirty laundry is like... Week long trip in the Australian outback with one change of clothes.  Really though.  So not only does he pretend I don't exist when we're not together, but then when we are together he likes to make jokes (that aren't really jokes) about how I'm an alcoholic, and I have turned into the worst child.  Pardon you, but let me introduce you to your 15 year old self.  Having trouble communicating with him?  That's because you were solidly inebriated from 2007 all the way through to 2009.

I also seem to be becoming a person easily replaced.  Not even replaced, just forgotten.  I have this friend I've had since I was very small, we've always been close.  Last year, closer than ever.  We were family.  He has not talked to me in three months. How do you go from being so close to being nothing in three months?  It's like I'm disposable.  I'm a damn bed sheet.

Here are five things someone that is my friend knows about me:
1.  I'm an excellent listener.
2.  I really like to eat.
3.  I always laugh at people's jokes, even if they're not funny, because it's rude not to laugh.
4.  I watch a lot of TV.
5.  I am stupid addicted to Starbucks.

Here are five things someone that is my friend SHOULD know about me:
1.  I don't like hugging.  It makes me uncomfortable.  As does sitting too closely.
2.  Books to me are this magical other world I live in part time.
3.  My opinions are irrational 90% of the time.  I don't know why I feel like that, I just do.
4.  My favourite colour is yellow.
5.  I get incredibly frustrated when people interrupt me.

Here are ten things I wish people (anyone) cared enough to find out:
1.  I am absolutely shit bricks terrified of goats.  That's part of the 10% of my opinions that are based on reality and past experience.
2.  Church was a dick to me.
3.  I'm really close to both my parents but in completely opposite ways: I talk to my mom about everything, every single day.  I don't talk to my dad about many personal things, but he and I have so much in common sometimes it's like we're the same person.  He is the best man I've ever met.
4.  I think dogs are messy and obnoxious 90% of the time.
5.  I hate being hugged, but I love cuddling.  It's because no one pays attention to me, so when someone hugs me, and gives me that weird 4 seconds of attention, it feels so fake and staged and unnecessary, and like if you're really honest with yourself, you don't want to hug me either, you just feel like you're supposed to.
6.  I get really overwhelmed when more than one person talks at once.  Every time it happens I instantly feel tears rush into my eyes.
7.  I suck at playing music.  I'm really good at playing like 10 things, and making it up as I go.
8.  I'm not very smart.  I'm actually really stupid, I just study really hard and know a lot of big words.
9.  If I could be anything in the entire world, I would be skinny.
10.  All I really want in life is someone to want to marry me.

Three more for the road (and to lighten the mood):
1.  I don't believe in dinosaurs.
2.  I have a pretty serious Wendy's addiction.
3.  I think people that call other people crazy are actually the crazy ones. I don't trust them.