When I was in grade nine, I had a locker on a corner, on the third floor of my highschool. Apparently, prime make-out location. every morning I got to school at 10 after 8 to find this couple making out, not just in front of, but ON my locker. I didn't know them, and I never met them, but our morning interactions said everything I needed to know about them. Some days they saw me coming, and politely moved to the side, all the while continuing what they were doing. Some days, I would have to ask them to move. Somedays I had to yell, and still sometimes, I would push them out of the way, and they wouldn't even notice. It usually only lasted for about 20 minutes or so, but it was still pretty traumatic, seeing as it was my first taste of actual high school. Aside for the trauma though, it was also my first taste of hilarious PDA.
I don't believe in major PDA and I don't really think it's fair to subject other people to your PDA, and for this reason, PDA and I have a love/hate relationship. I love it when other people have hilarious PDA, and it makes them look like idiots. I mean, who wouldn't love it? They make fools of themselves, and you reap the benefits with a good chuckle. I hate it though because it makes every one around them feel awkward, and for some reason, I seem to be the awkward person more often than not.
Let me just say, when you post a relationship on facebook and the entire world likes it, that's pretty much confirmation that everyone knows you're in a relationship. Thus, contrary to popular belief, you don't actually need to PDA your way through every hallway you can find to prove it to us.
When I told my friend Chela about today's topic, she gave me a cute little story to share. She witnessed a couple walking down a first floor hallway with mad skill. Like, MAD skill. This couple was managing to navigate their way through a busy hallways, breath, and not once, detach from each other's lips. When you can't detach for the five minutes it takes to walk from class to class, you have a problem. A big one. Fix it. Now.
The other variety of PDA that makes me laugh is the kind that should never happen in public. A little while ago, I was sitting with a few friends of mine (Aulona, consider this your shout out!) in a hallway, where we witnessed the funniest PDA I've ever seen. This girl's boyfriend was standing at his open locker, chatting with some friends. He was turned towards them, talking, shuffling with some binders, putting his stuff in his locker, nothing out of the ordinary. He didn't see his girlfriend walk up behind him. I can't call what she did a grab, or a tap, or even a smack really. It was like... Whack a mole. With bums. Anyway, she whack a moled him, and he flew forward about two full feet, into the friends he had been talking to. After all the whacking and flying and apologizing on his part had been finished, she said nothing, and just looked at him, full satisfied. Things like this should never happen in public. Never. It waas all I could do not to howl with laughter.
Same couple, different day. He's putting his things in his locker, talking to her, ruffling notes, again, nothing out of the ordinary. Except that, the entire time he was preparing himself for a day of classes, she had her hands glued to his scalp. She was literally rubbing it like you see crazy old women in movies do with crystal balls. She clearly thought it was adorable, and he clearly thought nothing of it, but the rest of the world was willing to build them their own room, just to escape the awkwardness. Just a thought, do it in the privacy of your own home, and save the rest of us.
Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with a peck every once in a while, or holding hands, but it gets so out of control so fast. Just today, I watched a couple try to get through a double doorway without letting go of each other. Yes, that is a metal bar. No, it will not move for you. Yes, you will have to release. No, this didn't stop them. After realizing the bar was immovable, the couple skillfully shimmied through one of the doors sideways, in order to maintain hand to hand contact. Thank goodness they were moving, because had they not been, they would've heard me laughing.
So how do avoid being the subject of someones 'Awkward PDA' blog? I've developed a simple list of what I think to be 'Signs and Symptoms' of an overly public/physical relationship. Ready? .... You sure?
1. If you carry a jar of Vaseline in your purse and use it in between classes to avoid your lips falling off, it's time for a new hobby.
2. If you've ever sustained a serious wrist injury from holding hands while walking in a different direction than your significant other, buy a Teddy bear. Or a purse. They don't walk in the other direction.
3. If while making out with your significant other in front of your friends, someone coughs awkwardly, save it for later.
4. Lastly, if you ever find yourself receiving strange looks while rubbing your boyfriends head in a busy area, it's time for a change of scenery.
So there it is. My beef with PDA. well, both my beef, and the great enjoyment I take from it. If you can't wait for the seven hours in a school day to be over, so you can make out somewhere a little less public, it's time for a change. Maybe a big one. That's all I have to say on that one, so there you are. PDA. it bothers me.
Blessings,
Maddi M.
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